It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry
by skinnieminnie
Summary: a look into the screwed up relationship of Spike and Faye post RFB.


_It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry- Glasvegas_

* * *

the sun was setting. The air was warm and dewy against her porcelain skin. The water looked delicious, maybe she'd go for a swim later. It was like a fairytale; Suddenly waking up one day and realizing this wasn't really her life, she'd lived her own fifty years ago. But nonetheless it was exciting, waking each day with a new memory. A birthday party, the smell of her father after shaving, the taste of cookies in the late afternoon. Sometimes she feared the onslaught of emotions would break her, but really she was just glad to finally remember who she was. The door suddenly shut behind her startling her thoughts. It was Spike, cigarette placed loosely between his lips, his hands patting his pockets down in search of a lighter presumably. eyebrows screwed together in irritation; he couldn't find his lighter.

"You don't happen to have a light on you?" he asked raising his head to meet her gaze, finally acknowledging her presence.

"I quit" she said shaking her head in denial.

He gave a long miserable sigh, "Figures" he muttered. Turning on his foot he went back towards the hangar. Moments passed and Faye figured she'd be spending another afternoon alone, but much to her surprise Spike came back out once again. A carton of cigarettes in one hand and a beer in the other. He walked slowly, plopping down beside her. She turned towards him but his gaze was far away in some other place.

"What'd you think of the first time you saw me?" he asked, exhaling a plume of smoke into the air.

"What?" Faye asked, maybe she heard wrong. Normal Spike wouldn't ask such a silly question.

"What'd you think? Of me?" he asked again, He was being casual. How the hell could he be so casual?

"I… Why are you asking? You've never---" she was at a loss for words, and for Faye that was definitely a first.

"Simple question Faye" he said calmly, taking a sip of his frothy beer.

She was silent for a moment, he was actually being serious. "You tell me" she said.

"Honestly?" he paused to smile, "I thought you looked like Christmas morning" he chuckled. Her eyes widened at his response, she was taken aback. "There's no other words to describe it" he flicked his cigarette out into the water and looked her way. She'd never seen him look so sincere, it made him look years younger. He turned away and gave another sigh.

"You looked so beautiful… I knew you were scamming me" he smirked, "But I thought 'I'll let her if only to look at those pretty eyes a little longer', and then I swallowed that chip; and you were so pissed" he laughed at the memory. Watching him express amusement and confess such a trivial thing, Faye realized that this was Spike at his most vulnerable. She wouldn't question his antics, Spike could be strange if he wanted.

"That's…. That's nice" she smiled softly.

"Yeah?"

"Sure, I think this is the first time you've actually said something about me that didn't involve the words bitch or shrew" she paused for a long second. "Listen Spike, about Julia I'm really sorry--" she rushed before being stopped by his voice.

"Don't" he said tersely, "Just don't ok?"

"Alright" she nodded. He took another cigarette and quickly lit it, inhaling almost half of it before exhaling the smoke. He turned away from her once again, his expression hard and unforgiving. The sky was turning a deep shade of red, the sun was going down. She was done for the day.

"Are you going to answer me?" Spike prodded once again. He really wasn't going to drop this. Why had he even brought this up? Wasn't it enough to deal with her own problems? and now he wanted to include her in his doom and gloom party. So what if she cared for him as more than a comrade? It was not an excuse to give her false hope every time he felt needy.

"I didn't think anything" she responded coldly.

He raised an eyebrow, studying her methodically placed façade; one he'd grown to know too well. "Bullshit. You must have thought something." She shook her head. "Nothing?" he asked again.

She sighed rolling her eyes at his persistence, "I thought you were handsome" she said bluntly.

"That's it?"

She bowed her head, her hands pressed firmly against the Bebop's hard floor. Violet bangs and hair covering her embarrassment. "You-- You didn't look like anyone else… not like anyone I'd ever met" she said softly, her voice sounding much like that young girl she once was. "You were arrogant and so sure of yourself"

" I didn't know whether to like you or hate you" she smiled, turning to meet his fascinated expression. Probably thought he'd never hear any of that in his lifetime. Good thing he had so many lives.

"I tend to have that effect on people" he smirked, quickly saving face from the previous enthrallment of her admission.

"I'm still not sure what I should do with you" she said.

"Why's that?" he asked flicking the finished cigarette overboard. She looked over to him, contemplating her choices. She could either finally confess her feelings or come up with some stupid remark about how big of an asshole he was. Her heart quickly sped up, her hands began sweating, she bit her lower lip. She probably looked like some school girl waiting to be rejected.

"I think I love you" she said quietly, pursing her lips. It was silent, he said nothing. Maybe she should say it again in case he didn't hear the first time.

"Spike did you--?" she began.

"Yeah I heard you" he took yet another cigarette out of the carton placing it between his lips, "And I know" he nodded, lighting the cigarette with a practiced ease.

"You know?" she asked incredulously.

He exhaled, "I've known yeah" he paused, flicking some ash towards the sea. "It must have been that time with crazy Pierrot."

Faye wanted to cry, yell, laugh, and hide under a rock all at the same time. This was humiliating, he _knew_. And he'd never said a word about it. What kind of man pulls that shit?

"And you never thought to say anything?" Faye asked haughtily. "Never once did it cross your mind to _say_ something to me?"

"Look Faye, you don't own me any explanation" he said firmly, "If you want to think that about me, I can't stop you" he shrugged.

"That's all?"

"What do you want me to say?" he asked leaning startlingly close to her face, "That I'm in love with you too?" his face blank, this was Spike at his cruelest.

"No" she said confidently, even if that confidence wavered she would pretend. Of course she didn't want him to love her.

His hand moved a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingertips moving towards her cheek. A fleeting touch was all it took, she was frozen. His face moved closer to her, so close she could feel his warm breath on her skin. Was he going to?… "You don't know who I am" he said lowly, pulling back to see her shattering before his eyes. This was a warning, and the only one he would give her. Falling in love with him would only prove to be an exercise in heartbreak.

"You! Why did you--?" she couldn't go on any further. Her lip trembled, her eyes watered.

"Don't ever trust me Faye" he said callously. Flicking his cigarette towards the dark waters, he stood leaving her on her own.

"I'm not that kind of man" he spoke, before entering the Bebop.

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I kinda wanna continue this... but is anyone even still reading Bebop fics??


End file.
